Train to Fail

I currently have a soccer ball sized bruised on my back. It’s all splotchy, like some giant mutated birthmark. I got it from an unexpected failure.

I’ve been doing jump squats for several months now. I’ll do post on them in the near future, but if you attempt them now, just know that they can be dangerous. But, they are my new favorite exercise.

Anyways, I’m doing jump squats. I have 374lbs on my back, and plan to add weight for my next set. I don’t realize that my body just doesn’t have the energy in it that I think it does. So, on my last rep, I go down, and……….just pop a squat, like an indigenous tribesman in the forest. My first instinct is to move slightly forward and down, since I usually squat in power racks with bail bars. I quickly realize that I’m working out at the one gym I use that doesn’t have bail bars.

No problem, my brain says, we’ll just throw the bar forward since we’re already going this direction. So I start pushing the bar forward again, before quickly realizing my head is in the way. Ok, I’ll just keep the squat, relax, and figure out something else. Since I can’t go forward, I must have to go backward. My arms are on the wrong side though, but I’ll fix that with a quick, steady under over to provide a clear landing path.

Then I slowly rolled the bar down, instead of just quickly dropping it, because I didn’t want to look like a bitch (and I got the largest bruise of my life). I took off some weight, and finished four more sets, since defeat was not an option at this point.

I woke up pretty damn sore the next few days, but not injured. Because I’ve been doing jump squats, I trained my back to deal with slightly off kilter heavy weights. And that probably saved me from permanently damaging back with a couple bad impulses after I failed to move the weight through the lift.

That’s why I lift the way I do. No straps, no belts, no suits. I don’t get paid to lift more weight than everybody else. I lift for myself, and I always want my weakest point to be the one I have to strengthen. Nothing will take away from the knowledge that all of my power hinges on small body parts that aren’t designed for the same power as the rest of my body. Because that’s the only thing that helps protect your body when you have to move it in a way you’re not prepared to do.

But, it still brought to the fore that I’m not completely training to fail. I didn’t have the exit plan down, for that gym, if I failed my lift. Like most people, I’m no Olympian, but we can all destroy our bodies in a poorly planned lift. So, I’ve worked out how all of my lifts can fail, in every gym I work out, to truly train to fail. Because at some point, failure is guaranteed.

This is how you properly dump a squat, by the way.

Nasal Breathing

Several workouts ago, my workout partner was performing tire flips at a greater rate than me, and he didn’t even look that winded when he was done. I, on the other hand, looked like I was going to die when I finished. Which irritated me, since flipping 400-500 lb tires is my favorite gym activity, and I hate getting smoked at my go to exercises. When we were finished, he just looked at me and said, “Bro, you really need to breath with your diaphragm. You’re all chest, and you seriously look like you’re going to pass out.”

The easiest way to breathe through the diaphragm is nasally, so I Googled it. And after several long minutes of reading online articles, I decided that I should start experimenting with nasal breathing. I’m now trying to breathe through my nose all the time, including during workouts. First run was rough, since I basically scoured my nasal passage ways by forcing large quantities of air down them. But, I persevered, and felt better post run then, well, ever.

Next day I did a lot of high intensity work, from sprints to near max squat, and I can tell the difference. While I can’t just breathe nasally at max effort sprints, I can breathe in through my nose and out through both my nose and mouth. Which seemed to work quite well. It’s also helped improved weight lifting technique with so much focus on breathing, and I’ve been lifting for a long time. I’m still waiting thirty days to test the difference in long distance runs, and I’ll report back then. I’m expecting a significant improvement.

I’ve also noticed some completely unexpected results already. First, normal people have become dickheads. I’m a friendly guy, I say, “Good Morning, Ma’am,” “Good Afternoon, Sir,” etc., to most every one I meet. But, I’m not getting a whole lot of responses now, just a lot of stare downs. Which is really annoying, and I was getting ready to start yelling at strangers for their inconsiderate nature.

Then I remembered the saying, “If everybody you meet is an asshole, then you’re the asshole.” Which made me stop and think. Usually, most people match my salutations in kind. But now, they don’t. So, I must have changed something. While thinking about it, I decided to look into the mirror to examine what was going on in my own face. And lo and behold, focusing on nasal breathing flares my nostrils, clenches my jaw, and overall makes me look like a mean motherfucker. Which explained a lot of the behavior I was getting from normal people.

The opposite occurred inside the gym. Normally, I get a wide mix of behaviors from men, from generally considerate, to fuckwits trying to AMOG my space. But, all the men were considerate. I also usually get a good mixture of IOI’s and plain disinterest from women. Some like me, some don’t. I’m not exactly attractive, but I am fit, so the mixture is understandable. But, I was getting IOI’s from damn near every woman at the gym.

It’s a raging bull look, which seems to work much better in high testosterone environments, where it’s better to be feared than loved.

Cheetah Tired

One of my goals on dynamic movement/crossfit days is to get cheetah tired at multiple points during the workout. Cheetahs get so worn out when chasing prey, that they reach a point where they have to just sit there, and stop moving. It doesn’t matter what is going on around them, they’re basically toast until they cool down a little. This is my goal.

The main exercises I use to do this are Prowler* sprints and burpee pullups. The Prowler is basically a sled that you push around the gym floor. My buddy and I do 25 meters down, 25 meters back, roll out of the way (because at this point I can’t walk) and alternate for 4-5 sets. Cheetah tired each time. You can also use a rope and reel it in for 25 meters one direction, then push back.

The burpee pullup is my favorite exercise overall. I will do 100 burpee pullups, in sets of 15, with a final 10, at least 2 times a week, and sometimes up to 4. After a couple sets, I have to grab a set of box jumps or another piece of equipment just to stop from falling over. This is what I’m going for, because after you get used to pushing yourself to get cheetah tired, trivial problems in life disappear.

There are a couple caveats to getting cheetah tired. First, you have to get in shape to get cheetah tired. Pushing yourself this hard without a modicum of physical fitness can be dangerous, so work up to it. Second, wanting to puke comes along with being cheetah tired. Make sure you have a trash can handy until you know your body’s limits. And finally, use chalk between each set of burpee pullups, otherwise your hands will bleed.

This is the burpee pullup.

*Danger and Play and Bronan the Barbarian are also fans of the Prowler.

Get Some Muscle

I am in fairly good shape. I’m not going to win any bodybuilding events since I don’t gear, but I do have a lot of muscle on my frame. And I can tell a huge difference when I walk around and interact with people.

I greet most people I walk by during the day and since I’ve really started focusing on building muscle and watching my diet, people have just started vomiting words out of their mouths. Now, some people are naturally friendlier than others, but I get full stories from people as I walk by. It’s not necessarily that people like you when they start talking rapid fire, it’s just that they think there is a status imbalance and they have to talk to fill it. And having higher status is the easiest way to develop attraction from women.

Part of this is the greeting, which I say whenever I make eye contact, even if it’s twenty feet away. The further it is, the more imbalance they feel, and the longer story I get. But even this didn’t happen as much before I started really putting muscle on my frame. So put some muscle on your frame, you don’t have to be completely stacked just aim for better than 80% of other men. Eighty percent should be your goal in all things males compete in. Not everyone can be number one, but if you bust your ass then being better than 4 out 5 other guys is doable. Pickup game is the easiest to reach 80%, then relationship game, then fitness, then money. Focus on all four.

Everyone will have a different workout, just make sure you lift heavy squat and deadlift to go along with full body workouts. I personally like Starting Strength for illustrating good form, but there are a lot of resources. I do a full body lifting workout twice a week, and crossfit style workouts three times a week, with heavy
cleans and deadlift during the latter. Here is my twice weekly body workout:

Squat: 10-10-8-6-4
Barbell Calf Raises: 4×10
Shoulder Shrugs: 4×10
Alt Pull-ups/Dips: 4 sets, max reps each time
Alt Roman Chair Sit-ups/Back Extensions: 4 sets, max reps each time
Alt Dumbell Row/Dumbell Bench: 4×15/10 (I use different reps because I use the same weight for quickness)
Alt Dumbell Curls/Standing Dumbell Shoulder Press: 4×10
Windshield Wipers: 4 sets, max reps each time (you hold onto a pullup bar, and wash a windshield with your legs)
Alt Pullup Hold/Bent Dip Hold: 2 sets, max time
Alt Thumb Roll/Four Finger Roll/Finger Tip Twist 4 sets, max time

I rest a minute between single exercises, and just rotate without rest for the alternating exercises.